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Jun
20
2011
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Posted 233 days ago ago by Doug Lawrence  5 Comments
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2 likes
Have I said too much?
When I was a child, I thought, looked and spoke like a child. Then I grew up, looked older, got wiser, but sometimes still spoke like a child. What's with that? My tongue has often gotten me into trouble and I’ve had to dig myself out too many times to confess to you—so, some time ago, I took to asking myself the questions that follow and used them to great advantage, especially in the church staff setting.
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Am I talking because I have a Desperate need to hear myself talk?
I’m “voice activated” and until I speak in the morning I have no desire to live (slight exaggeration). Sometimes in meetings and talks with parishioners we feel compelled to just talk, to “show off” with our voices. We invoke our Charlton Heston’s Moses voice and make proclamations that are really meant to make us feel better—not the people to whom we’re talking.
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Am I talking for other Wrong reasons?
Sometimes if we're silent in a meeting for too long we think we really
should say something. Speaking because you don’t want to be a party pooper or because you want to impress people is rarely a good reason to speak at all.
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Have I done my Homework on the followup questions?
If we speak at all, we should do it from a position of good “intel” as the Navy Seals would say. Always have at the ready the answers to the questions that will inevitably follow your pronouncements. One sweet soul (man or woman—you pick) raised issues about the budget for the coming programatic year. The problem was a lack of homework on what the exact boundaries of the budget were going to be. He/she had blew the opportunity to speak into the budget process because homework was left unfinished.
And borrowing from the Rotary International...
This may seem obvious, but remember, we sometimes talk ourselves into a truth which has nothing to do with
the truth.
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“Is it Fair to all concerned?”
When we start speaking, we are speaking as advocates for our colleagues whether we’re aware of it or not. It is our responsibility to defend the honor of our partners in ministry. Anything less, is selfish and unfeeling.
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“Will it bring Goodwill and Better Friendships?”
Our agendas are important and have value, but life is really about relationships—not winning points!
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“Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?”
To win, we must be willing to make concessions and allow others to win also. The only way to have influence and help things change for the better is to understand what other’s think “better” means.
In Closing
Speaking inappropriately is like toothpaste squeezed from a tube—it cannot be reintroduced to the tube! Every time we speak, we should remember this metaphor and be cautious as we brush our figurative teeth.
Doug Lawrence, internationally recognized speaker, author, and advisor, helps churches assess and improve their skillfulness in creating engaging worship experiences by utilizing his more than 35 years of "deep trench" worship leadership in prominent mainline churches. has been a consultant to church leaders for 35 years and is anxious to be helpful to you in leadership, musical, and staffing considerations. Or, if you wish, call 650.207.8240 for assessment information and scheduling.
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