In my leadership work, I have group skills and strategies into the four areas above. First, Foundations give the leader the clarity to know how to lead the team because the final result in clear; second, build and maintain effective relationship to assist in getting to the vision; next, develop effective systems allowing each team member to excel and to work together efficiently; and finally, create balance in work, in life, and between work in life.
Got Conflict?
This month’s edition is about dealing with conflict. The Transformational Leader learns about what causes conflict and takes measures to remedy the situation. Likewise, the Transformational Leader learns how to prevent conflict and takes measures to prevent situations that cause conflict.
Conflict on your church staff is deadly. Wherever you are in the organizational structure is a place that can influence others. You cannot change others. You can, however change what you do about it.
Enjoy!
Hugh Ballou
FOUNDATIONS
Diagnostic
The Transformational Leader develops skills to understand potential conflict and takes action.
Look for early warning signals that relationships are about to get into trouble. Do not wait. Do not go into denial. Conflict appears for many reasons. Basically it is a disruption that comes as a result of broken expectations and creates a disruption in stable relationships. The dictionary description is as follows: Conflict - a disagreement or clash between ideas, principles, or people/a psychological state resulting from the often unconscious opposition between simultaneous but incompatible desires, needs, drives, or impulses.
Broken expectation is a principle that is at the root of much staff conflict. If we do not get what we expected, there is a level of disappointment. When these expectations are not met, there is conflict. When expectations are not clearly articulated in advance, trouble is ahead. Putting off addressing expectations makes the situation worse. Letting the situation continue increases the stress. When something is wrong, pay the “upfront cost” by dealing with it promptly. The “cost” in terms of loss of relationship and difficulty in dealing with the situation will only increase – sometimes exponentially. Act on the earliest signal that something is wrong.
Look for patterns and address the unhealthy patterns as soon as they are recognized. Underneath each pattern is a value system. Some might be healthy values misplaced. Some are unhealthy and should be addressed for the health of the team.
Learn the patterns under conflict and the reasons complicating human relationships as well as the stages of conflict. I advise you to “pay the upfront cost,” meaning, deal with the conflict as soon as you see the signs. If you let it fester the “price” for dealing with it goes up dramatically.
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RELATIONSHIPS Preventative
The Transformational Leaders develops and maintains effective relationships to reduce conflict.
Develop Team “Norms”
A very helpful and effective way to prevent unnecessary conflict is to establish a “Team Covenant” for formal team that work together for the long-term. Since most teams focus on the tasks at hand and typically are driven to accomplish these tasks, the relationship portion of the team is forgotten, or the “norms” for decision-making are pushed to the background in favor of the jobs at hand. The working assumptions may or may not be accepted or even understood be every member of the team.
Take time to clarify and refine the norms of your team. Define how you work together. Define how decisions will be made. Define what to do if things do not go as assumed or as planned. Define how the team relates on an ongoing basis.
For example, if there is a healthy debate on a decision, then how is this debate evaluated? How will all the factors be judged? How will priorities be assigned to different perspectives? How will the group reach consensus? Or will the group take and up-or-down vote? The process of decision-making can build trust and a sense of community or it can destroy these just as well.
The time taken to define the covenant is time well spent. It is time, hopefully, that will not be spent untangling a mess. It can build teamwork.
Define Your Roles
Another essential tool is the Role Renegotiation Model taught defined by John J. Sherwood and John C. Glidewell in their time-proven methods included in the 1971 article “Planned Renegotiation: A Norm-Setting OD Intervention.” The concept of Shared information and negotiating expectations, they explain that for long-term relationships, parties should trade information and establish expectations. Then a commitment to these shared expectations takes place. Also, each member’s role is defined. Each member knows what is expected of him or her and, for the most part, what she or he can expect for the others. There is a plan to renegotiate expectations when a disruption occurs. Plan ahead to renegotiate whenever necessary.
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SYSTEMS
Prescriptive
The Transformational Leader masters the strategies for dealing with conflict.
When things do not go as expected, then a disruption occurs, we call this conflict. Conflict causes stress, anger and hard feelings to interrupt the healthy routine. It is crucial to address these issues right away by naming the behavior kindly without calling names. That is, address the behavior, not the person. It is difficult for the offender to separate himself or herself from the behavior, so it is important to be very clear in addressing the behavior. Use non-personal language such as “I am confused by _______, please help me understand what your intent is.” You might even ask for comments clarifying what is different now and when you both thought things were going better.
As a leader, be sure that you are informed and equipped to lead teams in conflict management. In other words, work on yourself first, then work with others. In The Resilience Factor: 7 Essential Skills for Overcoming Life's Inevitable Obstacles, by Andrew Shatte and Karen Reivich, there are guidelines for changing one’s thinking to effectively deal with conflict. Here is a summary of the help they offer:
- Learn your ABC’s: Your thinking affects your behavior – if you think you can’t or you think you can, both are right. Do not limit your ability with imagined obstacles.
- Avoid thinking traps: do not automatically blame yourself when things go wrong and do not jump to conclusions
- Detecting icebergs: know your fundamental beliefs that may make you overreact
- Challenging beliefs: understand why you think the way you do so you can break out of old paradigms and search for new solutions
- Putting it in perspective: don’t waste time worrying about what might be – get the facts
- Calming and focusing: learn to calm stress and emotion to be able to deal with the problem at hand
- Real-time resilience: learn to promptly convert counterproductive thoughts into productive ones
For the effective leader, it is just as important to learn about group process as it is to learn about yourself. Begin by empowering yourself to learn and grow.
BALANCE
Resources
The Transformational Leader creates a balance of experience and learning. Learn from you own experiences as well as from other leaders. Continue to build your library of resources so you will continue to grow as a leader.
Here are some resources that I recommend:
Books:
Behind the Masks Wayne E. Oats
Behind the Masks: Personality Disorders in Religious Behavior, Wayne E. Oates, 1987, Westminster Press, Louisville, KY
The Resilience Factor: 7 Essential Skills for Overcoming Life's Inevitable Obstacles, by Andrew Shatte, Karen Reivich, 2002, Random House, NY, NY.
Now I feel Guilty Manuel J. Smith
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, Manuel J. Smith, 1975, Bantam Books, NY, NY
Speaking the Truth in Love by Kenneth C. Haugk and Ruth Koch
Antagonists in the Church: How to Identify and Deal With Destructive Conflict by Kenneth C. Haugk, 1988, Augsburg Publishing House, Minneapolis, MN
Articles:
Finding a Way Through Conflict, By Dennis L. Burton and M. Wayne Oakes, 2002 Baptist State Convention of North Carolina
Planned Renegotiation: A Norm-Setting OD Intervention, 1971, John J. Sherwood and John C. Glidewell.
These are excerpts from an article I wrote for Creator Magazine in 2007.
© Creating and Sustaining Healthy Relationship on a Church Staff, Creator Magazine, 2007
